A New Year.
What can I say? What I’m really trying to convey here is a sense of being underwhelmed without being smarmy. Underwhelming is a good thing. These days, I quite like underwhelming. All I want anymore is peace and quiet and above all, calm. It’s someone else’s turn to turn the trauma and drama up to 11.
I haven’t been in my sewing room for several weeks. I headed down the hallway a few times but turned right back round before getting to the door as I was feeling “flat” and uncreative. I have been sitting at the piano, tho. Its a thing with me that I do either one or the other, not both. Both are such time consuming hobbies that it seems I can’t fit both into a day, along with keeping house. And if the house isn’t in order…nothing goes right for me!
Last summer, I took my keyboard to the son’s so I could play there when I visit. I had him bring it back when he came for Christmas so I can put my headphones on and bang on it when RD is around and not bother him. Although he says it doesn’t bother him. It bothers me that I might be bothering him. I’m not a natural musician, not so much wired for it. I can read music is all. Sigh. In my next life…!! I enjoy the hell out of it, tho and can entertain myself for hours on end.
The sewing machines have been siren-song calling to me. I’m feeling the need to get back in there. Most likely today. The 2019 sewing year starts out with new pajamas. I want a casual pajama-like but can run-outside-to-the-mailbox wardrobe. I’m going back and forth between ordering this pattern combo or just cloning it on my own.
It’s not so difficult, cloning would be super easy, barely an inconvenience. Plus, here’s what I’ve noticed from the patterns I’ve made from…I usually make so many changes that it ends up not being like what the original pattern intended at all.
Sewing Friend: Oh, that’s a nice dress! I like it!
Me: Thank you! It’s the StyleArc Italia!
SF: Really? It..doesn’t…look…
Me: Well, yeah, I made a few changes. If you squint your eyes, and turn your head to a 90 degree angle, you can see it.
I’ve had this pattern combo bookmarked for 2 months but every time I go there to order it, I end up clicking off the page. So…cloning it is.
I went thru the house yesterday to give it a good clean just so I could be free to sew today.
RD just brought me an egg sandwich he cooked up in his brand new little omelet pan. He skimped on the salt again. He’s usually pretty good at bringing me the salt shaker with the plates he brings!! Love his cooking, believe me, but he can be super conservative with the spices. Except tomato paste and the such. That man just loves his canned tomato products.
So, yeah, house is clean…got a plan to be in the sewing room cloning the above…just after the gym. I’ve mentioned before that we’re in the gym working out regularly. I feel so much better. I sleep better at night. I look better. I’ll never look like I did when I was 20 but still, I’m starting to look a bit more fit.
2019 is also the year of reckoning for a poor sad relative who has lived a hard and wasted life. After years of watching his painfully slow train wreck of a life, this is the year where the account will have to be answered to. On the one hand, the family has buoyed him for decades to the point that it very well could be considered cruel to cut him loose now. His one and only survival skill is conning the family out of money, in classic textbook drug abuse grifter methods. On the other hand, he’s at end game…it’s over…he’s finished. He’s in his 60’s, no money, major health problems (that are only exasperated by his drinking and drug use)…no social security to count on as he’s spent the majority of his life just being a melted chocolate mess…and a family member will have to take him in to keep him off the street. That’s not going to happen if he doesn’t get clean and sober. On top of his alcohol/drug abuse, he has one of the nastiest dispositions ever. Just nasty! So far, the family’s response is to throw money at him in an effort to keep from having to bring him in to live with them. And not in insignificant sums. It takes on average $2500-3500/mo to keep a roof over his head, which he bums at $40-$200 at a go, because he enjoys his internet, his cell phone, heat, and groceries. Although, that’s another thing…turns out he’s been bumming money for food from the family when he’s been on SNAP with an EBT card for how long now? We’ve given money for utilities plus late charges when he’s been on a public assistance program that pays his utilities. See what I mean about conning the family? Where does the money go? Drugs and alcohol. It’s all very sad.
I have a harder personality than the rest of the family so my vote is to let him go and live in a homeless shelter. There are rules in homeless shelters, you can’t drink and you *must* attend 12-Step meetings. It is going to be very painful but I see it as this: if the family can’t let him go right now…and someone takes him in…it just postpones the inevitable of him going into a homeless shelter by a year, maybe even less time due to his being combative and can’t get along with anyone. At which point, he will be older and even more gone from substance abuse.
I don’t know if I’m right and this is the right call. He may be too far gone. I’ve tried very hard to back off of this and see it from the POV of his blood relatives…who grew up with him and remember sharing holidays with him as a kid…but I keep coming back to if he doesn’t get clean and sober, he will end up behind a dumpster dead in minus 20 degree weather. The train wreck is all but over. You know, the number one threat to your retirement savings is a loved one who has lived a hard and wasted life. Well, for me, I am letting go and letting God. Thank God it’s not my call to make, I’m just one voice in the group and but I don’t have the power (and I do not WANT that power, quite frankly) to make the final decision on him…other than he absolutely cannot come live here and we can’t pay his rent for him month after month.
Ok. Breakfast salt-deprived egg sammich done…round up of the interwebs for catching up on news and sewing blogs and whatnot…maybe 2 more sips of coffee…off to the gym then into my Me-Cave for sewing. That’s the day.